It’s been way too long since I’ve posted a blog! I’ve written so many but never taken the time to publish them for one reason or another.
So, I thought I’d squeeze in one last 2024 blog post and not break the tradition of sharing my end-of-year reflection.
I thought long and hard (about 5 minutes) to think of a word to sum up 2024. My initial thought was “Bleugh” because whilst it felt full of hope and promise, it felt like all the air I’d blown into my metaphorical balloon kept running out until it completely ran out, making fart noises near the end to mock me one final time.
I battled on and off all year with low moods, anxiety and depression. I’ve worked with my doctor and adjusted my HRT to fix it, but just when I think it’s working, the rug is pulled from under me and the fragile world I’ve slowly put back together comes tumbling down again. Each time the frustration and pain feeling bigger.
Towards the end of the year, I began to see a common theme. You’ll never guess what it is. Just kidding, those who have been reading my blogs for a while probably knew before I did. But for those of you who haven’t, it’s my dear friend, alcohol.
Over the last two years, I’ve reduced my alcohol intake massively. I rarely drink at home now and have managed to go alcohol-free on some occasions where I would usually drink. But I’ve noticed that my big mental health meltdowns have happened when I’ve been drinking regularly, and by regularly, I mean more than once a week.
Weekends away, birthday celebrations (I mean, no one celebrates just once, do they?), holidays and of course, Christmas, which is always the most potent of all combined with the stress, grief and whatever else the “joyous” season brings, it’s like pouring brandy on a bonfire as it flambés my brain into a smouldering mess.
I’d already half-decided to do dry January after my success a couple of years ago, but armed with the usual excuse that it’s the bestie’s birthday at the end of January, I would probably need to cut it short.
I caught up with my friend Lucy a couple of times. Lucy and I had, shall we say, many a mad night together, but Lucy doesn’t drink these days; she hasn’t for months. She said that every occasion she has had hasn’t been worth it. She even had her first alcohol-free holiday, which she loved.
So that sealed it for me; I had my last drink on Christmas Day and am planning to go until the husband’s birthday at the end of February. I WANT to do a night out alcohol-free, but more importantly, I WANT to feel better, have more energy, and less misery, and I think doing an extra month could show me that.
If I decide to have a drink to celebrate the husband’s birthday, I will then be able to determine if it’s worth it and, if I enjoy it, perhaps become an occasional drinker. From what I keep hearing, seeing and reading, there are no downfalls to this no-drinking lark.
And, if it doesn’t make me feel any better and I’m still a miserable cow, I guess I’ll just go back to getting shitfaced! But I’ve got to at least try, properly try; I owe it to myself.
They say we always remember the negative over the positive experiences (whoever “they” are), but I don’t want to dwell on the negative any more than I already have, which is pretty much 12 hours of the day!
You may remember that I started off the year with a wins jar, which I kind of gave up on about halfway through the year. But for you, dear reader, I shall open it and take a look so we end this post and the year on a positive note—let’s just hope that all the notes aren’t “I didn’t cry today!”
Here are just a few of the things from my little pot and my gratitude journal…
- Date nights with the husband
- Catch-ups with friends & family
- A birthday trip to New York
- A close friend’s impromptu wedding
- My parents moved to the coast and are now living their best lives
- My friend’s husband is asking me to read part of his book’s draft; I hope he’s still writing as he’s so good!
- A weekend away with my family for my mum’s 60th
- Joining two fantastic menopause groups, Laura Lambe & Respin and speaking with some truly amazing women
So, whilst 2024 generally felt like an uphill battle, there were so many good things, too! I feel like now it’s the end of the year, I’m so much clearer on what I want for myself in 2025 and beyond.
So my word to sum up 2024 is Clarity.
I hope you all have a wonderful New Year, whatever you are doing, and I’ll be back in 2025 to share more! 🥰
